The True Meaning of Discipline

Parents often forget that a child learns discipline by following his parents’ example.  An old Japanese proverb says that children learn by watching their mothers’ backs.  In other words, children do as their parents do.  If parents physically abuse their children, even in the name of discipline, then the children will learn the violence of physical abuse.  The children will suffer as the victims of physical abuse, probably without understanding the lesson behind the abuse.  This is especially true when parents spank even young babies under the age of one year.  What on earth does a young child learn from physical punishment except violence?

t appears that parents do not even conceive of the possibly that there is a cultural expectation that young children will misbehave and that parents will duly punish their unwieldy children.  As a result of cultural influences, parents are led to expect “the terrible twos,” and they are expected to use force to subdue their children.  For some reason, despite the barbarity of imposing physical punishment upon young and defenseless children, parents spank and hit their children. 

It is not clear to me why parents do not heed the inner revulsion that their consciences should be expressing?  Is it because our culture has become so accustomed to the norm of misunderstanding children and their behavior that parents’ consciences may no longer be stricken with pangs of doubt when they use corporal punishment?  Are parents so undisciplined that they can no longer see how wrong it is to hit another person, especially one who happens to be smaller and weaker?  Ultimately, it is ironic that undisciplined parents expect young children to become disciplined.

There are parents who will object to the idea that they are undisciplined, but self-control and restraint are integral aspects of discipline.  How does a parent who spanks or hits his or her child express either self-control or restraint?  Some child-rearing experts advise parent to cool off before spanking their young children.  I find this suggestion to be ludicrous since spanking achieves only one objective:  it advocates violence against children. 

In other words, some experts suggest beating a child after the parent has calmed down so that the child knows that the beating is for his good and not just the result of a parent’s anger.  Who actually believes that violence at any time is beneficial?  It is illogical and unconscionable that any sane parent would advocate corporal punishment at all. 

The key to understanding discipline is to comprehend the importance of satisfying a child’s needs.  Fulfillment of fundamental needs is a mandate in early childhood.  These needs are primarily the need to love and to be loved; the physical need for nourishment, comfort, warmth, and touch; the need to play and to work; the need to be close to one's mother; and the need for assurance.  All these needs and more are fulfilled by breastfeeding on demand. 

These needs can and should be fulfilled not only for the well-being of young children but also for their parents.  When young children are satisfied, the need for punitive measures to teach or enforce discipline is unnecessary.  Satisfied children will be disciplined, and that is the bottom line. 

Breastfeeding on demand is what has enabled human beings to survive, yet today's parents know very little about breastfeeding on demand.  This is a cultural deficiency that needs to be addressed post haste.  Breastfeeding is a non-punitive, pleasurable, and deeply life-fulfilling activity.  Every child and his parents deserve to experience the good that breastfeeding creates. 

The simplicity of breastfeeding on demand will ease many parents’ and children’s lives because the need for discipline becomes non-existent.  Discipline, as embodied so perfectly by the art of breastfeeding, is learned at the breast in a non-violent way through positive human interaction.  Life is meant to be enjoyable.  This is possible if more parents would offer their children the gift of prolonged breastfeeding on demand.